Film - Justice League

Steve Taylor-Bryant has discovered the problem with DCEU films while watching Justice League and that's the gods honest truth...

So yesterday morning I managed to finally sit in a cinema and watch Justice League. “You’re a film reviewer, what took you so long?” I hear you cry, well it cost me £32/$42 for two tickets and two coffees so you tell me why I don’t go to the cinema more often but that’s a later article. Truth is I wasn’t going to review Justice League at all, as someone who has to watch so much stuff nowadays with their analytical brain engaged I feel that occasionally I have earned the right to just unplug and enjoy something that is wholly my own. That pleasure, that non-public aspect of my life belongs to DC Comics and Warner Bros. I’ve not reviewed the previous outings because, to be honest, it’s a losers game. The internet only hates two things - women and fans of the DCEU. The hatred poured on reviewers and bloggers from Man of Steel onwards is some of the most despicable I’ve witnessed on something that dares to call itself ‘social’ media. I just thank all the gods that I’m not a woman as I couldn’t cope with what they receive. But it’s Gods that has compelled me to jump in and cast my two penneth into the murky waters of DCEU reviewing. Firstly a few facts...

I loved Man of Steel, I didn’t have a problem with Superman or his level of violence, I actually thought it was brave of a studio to do something different to what had come before. Those of you that don’t agree? Fine, go watch Superman Returns and bite me.

I’ve always been a fan of Zack Snyder, yes even Sucker Punch, and maybe we should spend more time appreciating artists and less time knocking them, what’s the last film you made that did half a billion quid at the box office?

I enjoyed Suicide Squad but mainly as a Will Smith movie. I have no opinion on Jared Leto’s Joker as, quite honestly, he wasn’t on screen long enough. Anyone who takes that role after Heath Ledger is on a hiding to nothing.

I really liked Batman vs Superman. I saw the extended version on Blu-ray so can’t comment on what the theatrical release was like, but highlights were BatFleck, his old and tired Wayne/Batman is brilliant, Alfred being more than a Butler, the first appearance of Wonder Woman, and I totally adored Jesse Eisenberg in his Mark Zuckerberg with weaponry role. Lex Luthor should be that maniacal. Again, bite me.

I’ve just finished Justice League and Batman - great, Wonder Woman - great, Cyborg - great but deserves more back story so hopefully that’s in the works, Superman - great and finally removing the glasses and opening his shirt to reveal his suit should shut a few people up, BUT Flash And Aquaman? I need these guys on my screen more, like now! Get a director for The Flash movie pronto (Kevin Smith would be my choice) get the Aquaman film released today and then give Jason Momoa and Ezra Miller a team up film all of their own. They’re awesome!

Here we come to the only common problem I can see in these DCEU films though and *SPOILER WARNING* as I will give away the end of Justice League in the following section. Maybe if my editor's nice she will put a cat picture here or something so you have time to turn back...

All the films involved fighting a god, and none of them were convincing (except for Michael Shannon’s General Zod) due mainly to some of the shoddiest CGI ever committed to screen. Doomsday was just hideous computer work, Ares was, nope I’ve got nothing. The awful depiction of Ares stops Wonder Woman from being a 10/10 Film. And now Steppenwolf. Not even snarling dialogue from Ciarán Hinds can save this monstrosity which made Justice League weaker. It was a perfect first team up on the good guy side but not even Snyder and Whedon combined could hire someone that makes a good computerised villain. I’m not sure if Warner Bros. are barred from talking to ILM or whoever does the motion capture for Matt Reeves on the Apes films, but whoever they’re using at the moment just either don’t have the technology to pull off the vision or they don’t care.

Which leads me to the spoilery bit...

The very last after credit scene. Just before it rolled my eyes were looking at the ‘no characters were sponsored by tobacco products’ text but my brain was wishing that the DCEU would go back to conventional villains, as Alfred put it ‘exploding penguins’ would be a great relief right now. I too am fucked off with our heroes facing poorly constructed gods but probably for different reasons than Alfred. But then the final scene played, I wanted conventional villainy and there is a newly escaped Lex asking Deathstroke to join his team! This excellent scene excited me more than any bad guy scene in all the previous films. Whomever takes on the next Justice League outing has to go down this route, Matt Reeves who I trust implicitly with The Batman and CGI for that matter must go down this route. Give the gods a rest for a few films. You’ve finally got Batman right, you’ve got Superman right, you’ve got Wonder Woman so very right I get goosebumps, it looks like Cyborg is about there, Miller as The Flash is brilliant casting and I’m so excited for Aquaman. Now get the evil right. Cast The Riddler (go for Sharlto Copley please), hell I'm not even against the idea of Leonardo DiCaprio as The Joker, but until you learn how CGI works for god's sake... you get the message.

Follow Steve on Twitter @STBWrites

Images - IMDb/IMGUR