Film - Hancock

steven harris gives more than a half hour to Hancock, starring Will Smith...

Meet Will Smith. He’s an alcoholic, indestructible superhero who is a asshole. Only don’t call him a asshole to his face cos he really don’t like that and he might throw you hundreds of feet into the air and only remember to catch you at the last minute.

Los Angeles hates him cos even if he does catch bad guys he destroys the place while doing it. Because alcoholic asshole. Then Patrick Bateman shows up in his life, plays him Huey Lewis and the News and murders him with an axe. Sorry, not Patrick Bateman, Jason Bateman. Jason Bateman shows up in his life, shares meatballs with him (not a euphemism) and PRs Hancock’s existence into a new shape so that the people of LA will learn to give the superhero the love and respect that he craves deep down which is why he hides craving it by being a drunken asshole.

Only things get awkward cos Bateman’s wife is Charlize Theron. That in itself wouldn’t be awkward, unless you suffer from a rare erection complaint which makes your penis or your nipples go bullet-hard if you happen to be within ten yards of her. It can happen. I’ll never be allowed back in that restaurant again.

What’s awkward is that Theron is a superhero too only she doesn’t want anyone to know it. And rather than become a asshole who drinks she’s become a stepmom to Bateman’s young son and wife to Bateman. She’s all heart. And she’s all punchy thumpy kapow bitch queen when Hancock works out she’s like him and they have a massive superhero fight.

She tells him there used to be lots of people/gods/whatever like them only they paired off which made them as weak as mortals and vulnerable to being killed by people they might have pissed off along the way. Now there are only the two of them and the longer they stay near to one another the more they will start to drain each other’s powers.

Not so bad, you might think, they could at least have some superhot superhero bonking before all their powers go. Only she’s with Bateman so her and Smith can’t zoom off into a sweaty sunset together. And Hancock HAS pissed people off and they want to kill him badly, especially the guys involve in that unpleasant business of him shoving one man’s head up another guys ass. Oh and the other man whose hand he sliced off.

Near death almost happens for the both of them but Hancock sorts it out cos he’s Will Smith and it is decreed that he sorts things out in his movies. Even if those things that need sorting out are nasty aliens attacking Earth which doesn’t happen in this movie at all but I do like picturing him punching an alien in the face and saying “Welcome to America!”

So yeah, it’s kinda light on plot really but it’s a good take on what domestic realities might be like for superheroes who aren’t millionaire playboys. I’m looking at you, Wayne, Stark et al. If you feel like a freak because you’re so very different from everyone else yet you don’t have wads and wads of crisp banknotes to construct a compensatory life with what do you do? You probably turn to drink or try to find meaning within personal relationships, don’t you?

In the future cinemas will one day show double bill screenings on ‘retro’ nights of Hancock and My Super Ex-Girlfriend. And everyone will sleep safe in their beds. Or be a asshole, whatever they prefer.

Image - Amazon